Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - June 2014

01/06/14  ||  Global Domination

Triptykon: Melana chasmata

8.2/10

Habakuk: Not much Celtic Frost left it seems to me, but pretty good sinister death/doom. 8

CadenZ: As monumental as ever, galaxies perish under the weight of these jagged riffs. The amazing cover is as fine an epitome of the works of the late great H.R. Giger as any. Rest in peace, visionaire extraordinaire. 8

Cobal: Pretty amazing. I hear a much more flexible Triptykon, much more interested in serving the songs and providing them with what they need, than stopping to think whether that should fit in the genre. Now that I think about it, many things here seem winks to Celtic Frost fans. 9

sincan: Maybe a little hard to get into, and maybe deserves more time than the usual AA-dissected band, such a lovely coincidence that I’ve done the job with this one before. Raise your impaler and your hands for this. 9

Ironpants: “The oldest is the wisest”, they say. Not always I say, but in this edition of AA that could almost be true. Mr. Fischer here at least know how to compose a handful of good songs, but it isn’t really my cup of semen. There should have been a remake of “Cherry orchards”, that would have been awesome. 7

Skogen: I döden

7.8/10

Habakuk: If you think nature is grvm, then you might have something in common with these folks. 7

CadenZ: Like a massive blast from the past, Skogen create some utterly awesome “The Shadowthrone”-worshipping black metal with a fantastic atmosphere. Take notes, ladies, ‘cause this is how you get me into bed. 9

Cobal: Throughout their short career, Skogen have proven worth listening in all their 4 LP’s. Majestic black metal of the not-so-aggressive / epic-ish type with beautiful guitar melodies and extensive use of keyboards that I would listen to for days if I had the time. 8

sincan: Melancholic Swedish pure greatness. If only the rest of the album was as good as the opener, which popped the cherry away to Uranus. 7

Ironpants: I really like the sound in this production, not too polished and not too beautiful. Really good atmospheric black/pagan metal. Some clean singing here and there that sounds good and not misplaced (as it often does in other bands). Ironpants approve. 8

Portrait: Crossroads

7.0/10

CadenZ: “Crossroads” cements Portrait’s status as one of the better groups riding the 80s speed metal wave. The progressive elements and numerous tempo changes set them apart from the mass, and you can hear the honest dedication that true love for the music generates. 7

Cobal: Edguy just wish they could deploy so much metalness altogether. Gets to be tiring, though. 6

sincan: I’ve already said it. Prepare your butt for some trve heavy mvtvll and salute this album. 8

Ironpants: Yes. Totally listenable heavy metal with its heart in the right place. I like this, it will get more spins as I suspect that this one could grow a bit more. 7

Pilgrim: II: Void worship

6.8/10

CadenZ: Very ‘eavy, very ‘o-‘um. 6

Cobal: Ridiculous monikers aside, this is actually a great album. Mainly instrumental, it manages to keep things interesting with minimal resources. Epic and sinister at times, this is definitely sthg I could purchase myself. 8

sincan: DOOOOOooOOOOOooOOOom, wow. 7

Ironpants: Doom metal that is not as boring as you might think, only almost. 6

Lost Society: Terror hungry

5.6/10

Habakuk: Give this a production from 15 years ago and I’ll truly celebrate. Oh, and trim it a little. 7

CadenZ: Ultra-fast tempos, ultra-tight picking, ultra-stupid lyrics and a drive like four Duracell bunnies on ultra-speed. This is how thrash metal is done. 7

Cobal: Apparently the moral in this AA edition is bands with the word society must get lost. At least this one deceived me for three tracks duration. 3

sincan: I can come up with at least ten things that I don’t like with this one. 3

Ironpants: Well people, if you’re gonna thrash, you better do it for real. These fellows from the land of a thousand lakes have set their agenda straight. Thrash or die!! 8

Impaled Nazarene: Vigorous and liberating death

5.6/10

Habakuk: Well, this ain’t bad. Vicious black/thrash whatever, but nothing to write home about. I just cannot really get into them. 6

CadenZ: A bass solo? Lyrics about sweat and make-up? Seems like they’re still as boozed as twenty years ago. 5

Cobal: Right in the middle of everything, Impaled Nazarene offers a very meh form of black metal these days. None of the fun aspects of their music are there anymore in significant amounts, and solemnity doesn’t fit them at all. A damn shame. 5

sincan: The cover is super awesome, at least the censored version on spitifuck. Thrashened black for a thrashed cock, boobs, and vaginas, mostly impaled vaginas. 6

Ironpants: I have never really understood what’s good with Impaled Nazarene? And it seems that I will have to continue thinking about that. 6

Arkona: Yav

5.4/10

Habakuk: Surprise of the month, this Russian whatever. 7

CadenZ: I’m really torn about this weird mish-mash of Slavic folk, Bathory, blackish dark metal and prog rock. It’s got that mouldy amateurish smell that both brings out the unexpected and unwanted, especially arrangement-wise. The uncompromising attitude and apparent passion win me over, though, and I’ll probably spin this a lot this summer. Most bands of today are just too conventional for their own good, but here we have something extremely different and unique – that’s probably Arkona’s best selling point. 8

Cobal: If I ever finish my book “How to play dignifying folk and not die trying” Arkona should most likely have a place in it. Still, little of what made me buy… Eerrr… Little of what made me buy their 2004 full-length remains. 5

sincan: I don’t get this band, nor the overdramatic forced vocals, nor the cover. Maybe it’s better if you understand the lyrics, however I doubt that. 4

Ironpants: Really annoying vocals, that goes well with the rest. 3

Aborted: The necrotic manifesto

5.4/10

Habakuk: At least they don’t warrant the Aboreted joke anymore. 6

CadenZ: Aborted – bringing brutality and meh to you in ample doses since “The Archaic Abattoir”. 5

Cobal: I know quality when I hear it, but let’s face it: It’s quite difficult to differ one song from the next one after a while. 5

sincan: I tend to not like this type of death metül that much. This is no exception, or maybe a little better than usual. 5

Ironpants: As expected, raw, brutal, skullcrushing shit that doesn’t really reach the finish line. But still energetic and worth the listen if you are a brutal son of a bitch. I am afraid that Aborted has lost their touch though? 6

Insomnium: Shadows of the dying sun

5.0/10

Habakuk: Known them for a while, never cared much. However, this is pretty good, slow, melodic metal. 7

CadenZ: No passion, no desperation, no danger, no balls. What do you call a band that makes the same album over and over again, and that album filled with “riffs” and melodies safer than Bambi on a fluffy cloud in Unicornia? Insomnium? No. Well, yes, but what you should call it is Teeth-grindingly Well-polished and Anonymous Turds. T.W.A.T. Fuck this over-hyped band in their collective fucking TWAT. 1

Cobal: While some tracks first stroke me as weak, I ended up understanding these people go for balance rather than sticking to a somewhat successful formula. I applaud that. Great cover art, by the by. 6

sincan: A little less Viking-inspired Amon Amarth. 6

Ironpants: I guess it is pretty decent…but it’s fucking boring. Longer songs don’t make it better. 5

Prong: Ruining lives

4.8/10

Habakuk: Prong wouldn’t be so boring if the vocals had any kind of bite. 6

CadenZ: Victor’s vocals have always sounded British to me for some reason, which makes this über-American groove metal extremely schizophrenic. Some cool riffs don’t help “Ruining Lives” from the discarded bin of mediocrity. 4

Cobal: I’m glad CadenZ reminded me to comment on this one, I almost overlooked it. Furthermore, it suddenly appears I should try some more of this industrial/thrash groovy blending myself. “The book of change” is a great fucking song! 7

sincan: Big surprise that these guys are from the States. How does it sound? Like if a couple of cool, little too old “dudes”, played “metalled” American punk rock. 3

Ironpants: Prong was pretty cool once, or maybe I was drunk? 4

Black Label Society: Catacombs of the black vatican

4.2/10

Habakuk: Never understood what metalheads got out of this band. 5

CadenZ: Except for the energetic “Damn the Flood”, Zakk’s songwriting starts to sound his age, even though his vocals and guitar chops don’t. Too much mid-tempo, Wylde one. 5

Cobal: Everything’s wrong about this album and Zakk Wylde’s whole solo career for that matter: fake vocals, artificial songwriting, irrelevant guitar leads, ripoffs from other American pop songs, and the list goes on and on. This beauty salon bearded gal should content with being the second (third?) most recognized ex Ozzy Osbourne guitar player and retire. 1

sincan: Ozzy is that you? 5

Ironpants: I think all BLS records sounds the same, maybe a little softer for every album? There’s no songs here that settles, still well performed and all. Nothing new in other words. 5

Steel Panther: All you can eat

4.2/10

Habakuk: I love how Spotify marks EVERY track “explicit”. Hands down, some of this shit is just brilliant. I could probably quote every second track here, but you should experience it yourself. 8

CadenZ: The lyrics are beyond idiotic, but as that’s the point let’s focus on calling them catchy, ‘cause that’s as accurate. The music is A-league 80s melodic glam/hard rock with phenomenal execution and production. What’s not to love? 7

Cobal: Matey, can you eat me arsehole like tomorrow is the end of the world? 1

sincan: I hate when you feel like you’re too old for something. I also hate this record, in a way, kind of. 3

Ironpants: …and shit you have heard before, with extra pre-puberty lyrics performed by elderly men. 2

Edguy: Space police – defenders of the crown

4.2/10

Habakuk: Whoever it was who told them to go for this retarded happy metal image – it was bullshit. They play some solid semi-Maiden stuff here, but cannot possibly be taken seriously. 6

CadenZ: OK rock-with-your-cock-out metal. Mine stays in the pants. 5

Cobal: Yes, this sucks at many levels, and still, the Helloween inspired parts prevent it from being Black Label Society or Steel Panther. 4

sincan: “Have you heard Edguy?” “Ed, the guy who gives blowjobs for $10?” 3

Ironpants: I give up. I can’t listen to power metal. I try and I try, but when they rip into a cover of “Rock me Amadeus” I pressed stop! Fucking shitty snare drum sound on top of that. You should be arrested by the Space Police and Defend the Crown somewhere else. 3

Delain: The human contradiction

3.8/10

Habakuk: They don’t sound terrible, I give ‘em that. It helps that the girl in charge has a rather down-to-earth tone and doesn’t try anything uberfancy. 6

CadenZ: Another case of Eurovision Song Contest metal. Professional, passable, plastic. 4

Cobal: First track deceived as “pretty good for such a well-behaved band”. Eventually this appeared as another pop-flirting act this month. Surprise, surprise. 2

sincan: Better than the average Within Nightwishation, I think. At least I could have this in the background while sleeping on the train without puking feces. 5

Ironpants: Oh man, if there wasn’t for Audio Autopsy, I wouldn’t know about half of these melodic/symphonic shit bands with a chick doing vocals. Yeah, yeah – play your shit and get the fuck out! 2

Gotthard: Bang!

3.2/10

Habakuk: Impossible to listen to after Steel Panther. 5

CadenZ: I gott hard but then I gott soft again. 5

Cobal: Only the single is available for streaming in my area. Unless all other tracks are utterly mind-blowing — which is unlikely, this sucks worse than Delain. 1

sincan: What, if I want life metal rock I go listen to… Well I never want that. 3

Ironpants: I read up on this super-heavy band on the web. Their latest 11 (!) albums have reached number one on the billboard in their home country Switzerland. Go figure… 2